www.davidhegg.org

Monday, April 27, 2015

In messages April 21, and April 23; I write about the memory image regarding a cheap filter pipe, with a pipe bowl which I could screw off and on. In this memory image, it also was that this pipe was bought in a shiny black cheap box, with a plastic window as if it was a toy for children. There was also two pipe bowls, to one straight stem; a black sand jetted, and a dark brown. But when I start to concentrate on it, it change and change. I shall not be able to find out something correct, because it is only a fake memory image they have influenced me to get.

I have shortened all about these, therefore I left out these things I write about here. But I can not get exactly this pipe out of my mind. It continues to be something, which it is something more about, in connection with this influence I have been exposed to.

I can also insert; that the long pipe, with a stem between the bowl and the mouthpiece; that pipe had grown old in my mind. The stems had paled a little, in a little unequal ways; in the ends of the stem between, etc. But I can not remember that it was brand new. This is something which makes such a memory image more credible. And such things are something typical in many different ways, regarding these memory images. Many times such memory images are made up, with different things, which shall work like confirmations for each other.

What is this unrest in my mind, about this? I ask myself that question just now. I think; is it a feeling, which it can be possible to trust, so it is possible to find out more? But after that, I thought; these criminals can cause feelings, so it becomes wrong feelings which mislead oneself. Is it thoughts; which it is possible to trust? But these criminals can cause thoughts also; which becomes misleading. What can it be; which can cause these possibilities to find out about these influences. And after I have written about this until here, I start to think; that it is because I have been so detailed and exactly, regarding finding out about what it was which is correct. Because I have found out detailed and exactly about many things, these fake memory images do not fit in any longer.

The next approach to the problem, is; I could also have been so detailed and exactly with believing in these fake memory images. What is it, which has caused that I have been able to find out correctly about these tings? The questing has been made; and I try to find an answer. The first I think about, is that I always have thought about these tings in a way, where I think about that they want to trick me. I think about that all the time. The next is; that I all the time have gone over everything down to every small detail. I have not believed in what I think, feel, and remember.

All the time I have understood that I must come behind how these influences are fooling me. And I have in many ways thought that I have to work with this as a machine, which not does human errors. It has been to uncover and uncover and uncover; always do more and more and more. Always be calm and balanced, never believe in my own rage, these criminals have wanted me to be angry the way they want. I have also always understood that they have influenced me to get all kinds of wrong feelings, which only motivates me in terrible wrong ways, etc. I have always had my focus on these criminals; them, them, them; do never stop to have that focus, it is them, them, them.

To fight against them, has much been to fight against how they have influenced me, how this influences give me all kinds of wrong feelings and thoughts. I have never stopped to look at this that way. But this is not the same as a fight; it is much more about being master of one's feelings, especially dangerous feelings, and to understand and find out, etc. These criminals do not fight themselves, they get all of us to fight against each other; therefore our fight against them, is much inside all of us. We have to understand about how this work inside ourselves.

I have gone backwards; instead of forward. I have thought about that I shall find out what they have done to me; instead of being what they have wanted me to be.

I have moved towards the beginning; instead of towards the end. Therefore I today am so far away from the end, as it is possible to be. This is also something I clearly have thought about, that is something I must do, as a necessary tactical maneuver. Because, when I do that; I can be sure about that I never will be what they have wanted to. But it has been beginnings of influences, to try to trick me away from this tactic also; wrong things, which suddenly seemed to be something very correct.

To be so alone; has two sides in my case. It should have protected these influences from being stopped. But in my case; that have done it possible for me to find out correct. No one else had been able to help me with that; because this is something unknown. If anybody think that has been easy; they think more wrong than they can understand. It has not been easy. But it has not been impossible either.

This also shows that it can be possible to write about something, so the writing becomes a way to find out more. One's thoughts become systematized, in a way, which makes it possible to come further.

It is something more, with exactly this pipe. Why two bowls? I can not get that out of my thoughts. The box with the plastic window, is easy to understand; it shall look like a toy. But why two pipe bowls? The first I think; is that it is because it shall be like two pipes, like I had two pipes instead of one. I did never care about having more than one pipe. It was unthinkable for me, to have more than one pipe. The next I think, is; that this shall influence me, to one day, wanting to find such a pipe again, even I in the meantime did not like this plastic pipe.

I shall want to find such a pipe again; in connection with that I shall want to find different things back again. And all these things should then have become wrong, based on these fake memory images about all such tings. It should have been regarding my LP records, my pipes, and about other things. I should have found out about a past, which these criminals had changed in my memory. Regarding pipes, I think I should have become much more interested in pipes, than I originally was in the 1970s. By buying such a pipe again, it first should have been one pipe stem and two pipe bowls; but after that, a stem more to the second bowl also. This interest for pipes, should have influenced me to buy many pipes, and got me to smoke much more that I originally had wanted to do.

I think this is because they want to destroy my personality; and after that, the intention is to build up again a totally different personality. It can also seems like, I am influenced to either smoke too much, or nothing at all; but I can not be absolutely sure about such things. When I try to find a reason for that, I think it is because they want to destroy my personality, which originally was that I had some thoughts about smoking a little bit. I did not want to have more than one pipe, to have more than one pipe, was never in my thoughts. So to change that, seems also as something, which shall destroy my personality.

And it is not only things. Everything in me should have changed; my understanding about what kind of person I am, should have changed completely. My childhood, youth, and early life; should have become something totally different. I should have been something inverted, in relation to who I was in 1976.

I should also have found out wrong abut these criminals, and I think that also should have been in an inverted way.

But now I am sure abut that I have found out correct about everything regarding myself; and also about these criminals, but that is only to a certain extent, it is impossible for me to remember exactly what they have done against me.

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The one or the other extreme, seems to be something typical with how these criminals are doing their influences. It looks like, they causes contrasts; and ruin that different ways of thinking, can find a mutual agreement. Different groups shall destroy each other in a negative way, instead of inspiring each other in a positive way. This can also be regarding different ways of understanding and thinking, about different things.

I wonder if this, can be because their own goal, is something which is an extreme.

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What can a life be, when it is like this? A life like this, is about finding out. Oneself has become like a possibility, to find out about what this can be. They have done this against me, and because of that, it is possible for me to find out something about them. I look at it as something important to do, and that gives meaning to it. Because they have done this to me; to find out about it, has become the meaning with my life. I can win against them inside myself. They have not got me to do, what they in the end, have wanted me to do. That is also something important, it is important that I have been able to prevent it.

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Even if the pipe smoke not is inhale; it is still possible to find out about serious health risks regarding this, on the Internet; for all parts of the mouth. There are also information accessible about other serious health risks regarding pipe smoking, on the Internet. Pipe smoke can also have an inclination to be too hot.

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Being addiction to tobacco smoking, is something I have found out that develops gradually, in six different steps. These steps refers only to tobacco, not other things:

1. Takes a smoke for the first time. Do not feel like having another smoke. But smoke even so a little bit day after day. But not necessarily every day.

2. Starts to like to smoke. A smoke has become something good. There is no need for a smoke. But a smoke has become something good.

3. To smoke, is something which becomes more and more good. Likes better and better to smoke. But do not have any thoughts about starting to smoke regularly. It only is that way.

4. It starts to be a little difficult to let it be. Not so much, but a little bit. There has been a little need for a smoke, after it has gone some time since the last smoke. Not so much, but this leads to smoke after smoke, without thinking about it. Does not think about, that this can be a stronger need.

5. It becomes more and more difficult to let it be. In the beginning of this step, this is not experienced as a problem. But after some time, it has become difficult to let it be. What is difficult, is that the need for a smoke is quite strong. And that feels like, a smoke is something very good. This is also an incipient step, this habit has still not become a part of the identity. This can take shorter or longer time, weeks or months, also years.

6. Smoking has become an ingrained habit, and a part of the identity. The identity is to be a smoker. This habit can be to smoke very little, a little, medium, much, or very much. The problem in this phase of this development; is how the estimation has changed. Harmful effects are minimized, and pushed aside; that is something it has become unpleasant to think about, read about, hear about, and talk about. The way of feeling and thinking about smoking, has changed.

David H. Hegg