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115. Something strange

Today I found out something strange. January 15, to February 1, I found out how the criminals had influenced me. The last two and a half weeks, after that, I have had a strange experience of that I don’t sleep anymore. But I felt I had had a good sleep. Today I found out what that is.

At once when I woke up, I experienced that I haven’t slept, and that I have been awake all the time. When this happens, I am half asleep. Today I understood that right afterwards, I remembered an imaginative dream; and because of that, I understood that I had been sleeping.

The last weeks I have experienced it as if, that I don’t sleep anymore. Nevertheless, I have felt that I have had a good sleep. Today I understood that this experience arises when I am half asleep, after been sleeping. This has been so strange, that I have wondered if I don’t sleep anymore.

Now I think about if this has happened because I found out about how I have been influenced, or if it is because of an influence. I have never had exactly this experience before, therefore I think that maybe it has happened because I found out about how I have been influenced. But it is impossible for me to be sure about what this is. But now I understand how this has been.

When I write a text like this, it often has been a clarifying for me of what I write about. So far, it gives me a feeling of that everything is in order, when I understand what it is. The problem was only that I didn’t understand what it was. This is typical for such influences. That is an element of importance. Just now I don’t have a clear understanding about if this is an influence, or something else. But I have a clear understanding about how this is.

If it is an influence, I think it typical is, that I shall go to a doctor and get sleeping pills, even I don’t need sleeping pills. This will be something similar to how a “memory hallucination” is an influence, to influence one to think and do something, because of something which you believe has happened, which not has happened. Maybe this is something, which has to do with how I have been influenced. Now I think about that, but I don’t know how it is.

I think about the text “93. An excellent example” January 15, and wonder about if the sleeping pills are held together with alcohol. If this is correct, I think that must be something, which should have happened in the end of the different influences I have been influenced with. It helps me to think like this; even I don’t know if it is correct or not, because I become more in control of myself by behaving in this way.

I don’t remember anything about what happened, the period when these influences were done against me. I only have remembered a little from the beginning. What it is which has happened after that, is something I don’t remember anything about what has been.

Today I feel completely as having had a good sleep. It also was today I understood how this is. I think about that it is important to sleep when I shall sleep, and be awake when I shall be awake. When I wrote about how this was done against me last month, I then slept and was awake irregularly, in a mess.

I have used some hours on this text. I have written some sentences, stopped and thought, and then written some sentences again, etc.

February 19, 2017, David H. Hegg