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157. Understandable parts

In this text, I want to divide an incomprehensible mess, into a few understandable parts. It is an incipient way of approaching what this is about, where I reach still more insight, therefor I write in a point by point way in this text.

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After I started to think about my earliest years, I now have remembered more about the last time I talked with the owner of the cottage, where I lived in the beginning of my life, until 1960. I talked with here again in 1964, or shortly after that.

First, I have thought about that the criminals have influenced me to remember wrong about this, and not to remember anything at all about it. I only have had some pieces of wrong memory, which are such memory hallucinations, caused by the influences of the criminals. I think that one of these memory hallucinations, is that she rented out the upper floor in the house. A family with a grown‐up son, who worked in a bank, should have lived there. One time this son should have given me a boat as a birthday present. I think this is a change of how the owner gave me birthday presents. Another change, is that the neighbor on the other side of the fence, nearest to the cottage, had got the name of the owner.

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Last time I talked with her who owned the cottage, in 1964 or shortly after that, I in the end of the visit, stood with her and my father in the hall of her house, on the way out. She said to me; that last time we said goodbye, you cried, and now you also cry. I only get you to cry, she said. I cry because I love you, and don’t want to leave you, I said. Have I only ruined for you, she said. No, it doesn’t ruin for me that I miss you, I said. It doesn’t ruin for me that you have been kind to me, I said. No, she answered, I have also missed you, and that hasn’t ruined for me ether.

Why haven’t you come and visit me, as I said you could do together with your parents, she asked. My mother said that I shouldn’t disturb you any more, and that you had been kind to me because we lived in the cottage, I said. You didn’t disturb me, I had been glad to see you all again, she said. Maybe I should have visited you, she said. That had been nice, I said. When you lived here, I sometimes came and got you, because I had said to you that you could come to me later, but I understood that you didn’t know when later was, she said. Maybe your mother then also said that you shouldn’t disturb me, she said. Yes, I said. It was fun for me to be together with you, she said. It was fun for me to be together with you too, I said. When you lived here, I liked to have you all here, she said.

What can it be that has caused your problems, she said. When you had mowed, I heard from the person who asked me to let you live here, that you had many friends and a good life, she said. Then I became glad because you had got many friends, she said. I let you live here, because she said that you were so good people, and that was true, she said. Do you remember the friends you had then, she asked. I don’t remember that I had any friends, I said. We talked about this.

This must have started just when you started school, she said. Was it something that happened just before you started school, which was different from what it normally was, she asked. I was at the mountain summer pasture together with my mother’s mother, I answered. Then it can be something, which has happened there, she said. Do you remember something about that, she asked. No, I answered. Did you have other friends to play with at the mountain summer pasture, she asked. Yes, I answered, I had some other friends to play with there. So, then you had other friends to play with there, but when you came home, you didn’t have other friends to play with anymore, she said. Then it can be something, which has happened at the mountain summer pasture, that you don’t understand, she said. Your parents must try to find out about what that can be, but that can be difficult, because it can be someone who have done something against you, which you don’t understand, and that person or maybe more than one, don’t want that others shall understand what it is, she said. Yes, my father answered desperately. It can be difficult to find out about that, so then it is best to be careful, she said. Yes, my father answered. I don’t know who these people are, so I can’t understand anything about that, she said.

Then you have to remember, that to love someone you don’t see, is something good you have inside yourself, that never will ruin for you, she said. Yes, I answered. Then we all three said goodbye to one another.

Later I said to my mother that we could go and visit her again. But my mother got to know that she had been so ill, that she couldn’t talk. Some time after that, I heard that she had died. There were never talk about the books and the house again, at home with my parents, after my father and I had visited her. If my parents said something about her afterwards, they always were friendly. My mother said her name to me one time, many years afterwards.

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I also have started to remember more from the time I lived in the cottage. I remember that I run over to the owner when I saw her by her house in the garden, and called out her name two times.

I also remember that I was inside her house, and was so glad to see all the books around me. I looked around at all the books in the room. She smiled kindly to me.

The first five years of my life; this was my world, and it was a good world. At this place I also had my parents, there were good neighbors around, and good friends that I played with.

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I don’t know what my parents did, after the last time my father and I talked with the owner of the cottage. It is likely that they maybe talked to my mother’s mother. Other people who my mother’s mother had taken control over, were the same. It only did it worst to talk to them all. Nothing changed. Noting became cleared up. I continued to be by my mother’s mother in the summer vacations.

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In the summer 1962, my mother’s mother had talked bad to me about my friend’s father where I lived at home, in a way I didn’t understand, regarding that he was communist. But I didn’t remember that later, and my parents didn’t find out abut it. I hadn’t understood a word about what my mother’s mother had talked about. My mother’s mother knew that my father was friendly against my friend’s father, who was communist. She also knew that my mother was friendly against him. My parents never talked about that to me. My friend’s father never talked to me about that either. Together with my parents, I had contact with people with different political affiliations, and my parents didn’t talk bad about any of them. What my mother’s mother had said to me, had got me to talk to my friend about something I didn’t understand anything about, and I didn’t remember it or understood anything about it afterwards. None of my earlier friends and their families at home, wanted to be together with me more. I didn’t understand why.

Of course this became sad for my father, who didn’t understand anything at all. All our neighbors were his fellow workers on his job. All these people started freezing us out, without saying anything to us about why, and none of us understood why.

At home there were many relatives and friends who visited us often, so there were lively at home.

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In 1962 when my mother’s mother, her youngest daughter and I; had arrived the mountain summer pasture, my mother’s mother said to her youngest daughter that she should tell my mother, that everything was fine. But I didn’t want to be there. I felt bad. I didn’t know my mother’s mother. It was painful for me to stand there on the courtyard and listen to what she said. My mother's mother had surprised my mother by starting to talk about this, before we traveled to the mountain summer pasture.

In the beginning, I didn’t want to be by my mother’s mother at the mountain summer pasture. I cried when my parents went home, and I stood back. When they came to take me home, I became very glad to see them again. Then my mother’s mother said that I had had it so good at the mountain summer pasture. My parents thought that was true, because I became so glad to see them again, and didn’t have to be there anymore. Over the years, I didn’t remember anything about how this had started. I started to feel that it was good to be at the mountain summer pasture, and bad to be at home. I didn’t understand anything about what had happened with me. In the beginning, it was good for me to be at home, and bad for me to be at the mountain summer pasture. But after some years, I didn’t remember that anymore.

My mother’s mother took control over my childhood, and ruined my childhood in a way, which was very painful and ruinous for me. Regarding this, she also took control over my parents and others around me. She had a dominating behavior regarding this. All the time she talked about how good it was for me to be at the mountain summer pasture. Many nice things happened at the mountain summer pasture.

For my mother’s mother, the mountain summer pasture was the best place of all places. And it was a nice place.

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Now I also have thought about, that in the seven first years of my life, before the summer 1962; then my parents and I didn’t visit my mother’s mother and my mother’s father so much. And they didn't visit us more than on rare occasions once in a while. I have photographs of that we had summer vacations, where we traveled around to different places in Norway. I think that in the seven first years of my life, then my mother’s mother still hadn’t had so much contact with my father and me. She didn’t know my father and me to any great extent, and she didn’t know about how we lived in our new home. My father and I didn’t know her. So in the beginning of the summer 1962, my mother’s mother and I didn’t know each other. And my father didn’t know her. My mother and father didn’t understand how she was.

Later, my mother and father helped my mother’s parents most of all, and we had much to do with them.

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What I have written about above, have points of similarity with what happened with me in 1986, and what at the same time happened with my daughter and her mother. The father of my daughter’s mother had many points of similarity with my mother’s mother, but he didn’t have the same political view. He liked the communists.

I think that both my daughter’s mother’s father, and my mother’s mother; could have started to understand about this, if it all had been cleared up, and we had known about what the criminals are doing. It is difficult to understand about what the criminals are doing, but it isn’t impossible. These criminals ruin people they influence and use, that is what this is. Without the criminals, nothing of this had happened. These influences are conquering.

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The last time my daughter and I were together in 1986, we had a friendly time together. We all three with her mother, also sat and talked friendly with one another at my kitchen for a while. When her mother came and brought her home to her place, where her family had visited them, she promised our daughter that she should be more together with me afterwards. When I phoned my daughter’s mother the day after, to talk about this, she only put down the receiver. This was because her father had started to take control owe her; and over all other people around her, our daughter and me. He had a dominating behavior regarding this. I didn’t know about what happened, and I didn’t understand anything. This only became worse and worse. The same happened in 1986, as in 1962.

In 1974, something similar also happened around my daughter’s mother’s father. That was before my daughter was born. He ruined for people he cared about and wanted to help. He said wrong and bad things about other people in these people’s life, and ruined for them in that way also. He didn’t understand what he did, and didn’t understand what happened. I don’t think he did that because he wanted to ruin for them, I think it was something he didn’t understand. He had a dominating behavior regarding this. This was something I talked about to my daughter’s mother in 1986, just before the problems started. In 1974 I didn’t understand what happened, but I found out that it was wrong, by talking with people. I tried to help these people, but thigs started to happen which became more and more incomprehensible for me.

When first my mother, and afterwards my father; came to talk with my daughter’s mother to get things in order again in 1986, her family always was there. My parents only met my daughter’s mother’s father, who took control over them instead of getting things in order. My parents didn’t know him. This only became worse and worse, and more and more people came under this control. My daughter was more connected with my family and my parents, than to her mother’s family and her mother’s parents. And my parents never wanted to take her away from her mother, they were glad because she and her mother had a good life. They never said anything wrong about her mother to her.

Here also another person started to do the same, to take more and more control over all around me. That was the psychiatrist, whom my doctor talked with in her meal breaks. Instead of being of help, the psychiatrist did everything worse and worse, and ruined our lives more and more.

In the end, later that year, a relative of the psychiatrist arranged a mental test out of me. That was because I shouldn’t be able to travel to my parents, who lived some hours’ traveling time away. Then they did exactly the same as my mother’s father was doing, only much worse. That psychiatrist stood smiling and glad in the middle of many different people, who all betrayed me more and more, the same way as this already had done more and more against me already.

In addition to this, these psychiatrists also involved both our families in this test out, and lied to them all and betrayed them all, in a terribly way. This resulted in a total destruction of the both families in a constantly increasing way.

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Shortly before this happened in 1986, I said to my daughter’s mother, that it is as if her father had obsessive thoughts. That was regarding what had happened in 1974. I talked about this because I wanted to help him. And I didn’t say this to others. But it was the criminals who had influenced me to say that. Afterwards the family of my daughter’s mother started to say to everybody that I had obsessive thoughts, which wasn’t true.

Shortly before this happened in 1986, I also said to my daughter’s mother, that her father did something wrong in 1974: I said that he could have come in prison for that. I didn’t mean that he should come in prison, I only wanted to emphasize that what he did in 1974 was wrong. I said that he hadn’t understood what he did. It is the criminals who have influenced me to say that also. Afterwards I think he started to say to everybody that I should have been in prison.

They started to talk about that I had been bad against my daughter’s mother. That wasn’t true. I had helped her to get a good place to live. All these people only ruined it for her. At the same time, they talked bad about me, who had helped her to get a good place to live. Later they said that I had been bad against my daughter. That wasn’t true either. It was themselves who were terrible bad against my daughter, her mother and me. I had also helped my daughter’s mother’s father a great deal, and I couldn’t understand that he started to talk bad against me behind my back, I didn’t do that about him.

Everything people said was wrong.

What became so painful; is how this became impossible to find out about and understand. That continued to take more and more control over our situation.

I haven’t caused my daughter any pain. My daughter and I, only have good memories to look back to. It is the same with my daughter’s mother. What has caused pain, is this control. And it is the criminals who have caused this control. To come out of this control, will stop the pain. The control controls our situation in a way that ruins for us, in a painful way. That is what it is, which is painful. To come out of this control, will stop this pain.

This control ruins what is good inside ourselves regarding one another. That is what is painful.

My family have also been kind to my daughter and her mother. They haven’t caused them pain either. My mother’s mother and my mother’s father also wanted to be kind to my daughter and her mother.

What first happened, was that the psychiatrist, who had meal breaks together with my doctor, got the police to start to take me away from my daughter, again and again, month after month. What it really was, is that she got the police to start to take the father away from my daughter. This only became worse and worse afterwards, this is what caused my daughter and her mother pain. Because this only became hidden more and more, it has become worse and worse. That day this happened, I hadn’t done a little wrong thing at all. The situation was quite contrary to that, I had been helpful. But I didn’t understand anything about what happened. I didn’t know that my doctor had anything to do with this. Why should the doctor start to do something like this? It couldn’t occur to me that the doctor was involve in this. I didn’t talk to my parents, because I was used to take care about myself, and I didn’t want to bother them.

When the psychiatrist started the test out of me a few weeks later. She said to my daughter’s mother’s family that they, had got me committed to a mental hospital. That was a lie; I had been called on the phone and asked to come, because they should help me in coming in contact with my daughter again. That was also a lie. It was because I shouldn’t be able to travel to my parents and talk about what had happened. What the psychiatrist had said to my daughter’s mother’s family, about that I had been committed to a mental hospital, was something they immediately called to my parents and said to them. All these lies from these people took total control over everything, and ruined it all. I lost my memory from minute to minute, in the end I didn’t remember anything about what had happened.

The health problem I had contacted the doctor for in 1986, was rheumatism with muscle pains and problems because of that, nothing else had I contacted the doctor for.

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Behind all of these, are the criminals who I came in contact with; around eight o’clock in the morning, Monday, December 29, 1975. It is first now recently I have remembered and found out a little about them, so these criminals are difficult to find out about.

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In this text, I have wanted to divide the incomprehensible mess these things are, into a few understandable parts. It is only an incipient, shortened and simplification point by point description of it all.

May 28, 2017, David H. Hegg