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160. Incomprehensible suffering

In the beginning of the summer 1962, my mother’s mother came and took me away from what was my life. After that, I never came back to what was my life again. I haven’t understood about it before now, 55 years later. What I came back to after the summer in 1962, was how my life became ruined. My mother’s mother had taken me away from my contact with my parents, and I didn’t come back to the contact with my parents again either. My friends didn’t want to be together with me anymore. I didn’t understand what had happened, or what this was. I didn’t understand anything about why it was as it was.

I was seven years old in 1962, and started school for the first time. At school everything became an incomprehensible mental suffering for me from the beginning. I didn’t understand the connection between other people and myself anymore. I didn’t understand that something had happened, everything only was like this.

After the summer in 1962, this became more and more mentally painful for me to an increasing degree. I didn’t understand what happened, and I didn’t remember anything that could get me to understand why it had became like this. My parents didn’t find out what had happened, and didn’t know what it was, and didn’t understand what it was. It had been a state of incomprehensible mental suffering for me. I didn’t know that this had started at a certain point of time, and I didn’t know that something had happened at all.

Before Christmas 1962, I had become terrible thin. When I came to my grandparents on my father’s side at Christmas 1962, they became desperate and shocked by seeing how I looked. In a tearful voice they break out: “How is it you look.” As Christmas gift, they gave me an ordinary plate, a soup plate and cutlery; and I started to eat again with these things. But the mental suffering continued. Over the years after 1962, this developed, and molded me in a way that I didn’t understand. Gradually I became used to having it like this, and my life got different positive sides, between these problematic sides, which I didn’t understand what was.

My parents didn’t understand anything, because everybody who knew something or other, lied to them about what they knew. Or they didn’t know what had happened, and only thought something wrong instead. What they then was told, got them to begin to develop thoughts about something completely wrong, instead of what was true.

In 1975, the criminals influenced me in a way that was based on, what happened to me in 1962. In 1986 something ruinous happened, which became something incomprehensible in 1986, based on something more incomprehensible for me from 1962. It is not until now, that I have started to understand about how this has been.

The criminals didn’t start with their crimes in 1975. I think they already in 1962 was thoroughly under way, and that they had been that for a long time in 1962. I was a child and only seven years old in 1962, but the criminals were grown‐up people who had lived for a long time. I don’t know what the criminals have to do with what happened to me in 1962, but in one way or another it had to do with what they were doing at that time.

One of the things it is difficult to understand about this, is the systematic way this has developed, and how it is linked up.

I have thought about that my own life after 1962, became as it was for people, before the modern political development started late in the years between 1800 to 1900. After 1962, the life became a suffering I didn’t understand. That was also the situation for the people late in the years between 1800 to 1900. Theirs lives had became a suffering they didn’t understand. The modern political development was about understanding about this suffering, and about being able to put this understanding into constructive politics. Politics was about all sides of being humans. Because this understanding has disappeared from today’s politics, today’s political development lacks understanding about how this still is a problem.

June 7, 2017, David H. Hegg