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177. Inner connections

Now I started to think about inner connections in the mind, in relation to that I wrote about “An inner landscape”, in the last text, September 15. What I exactly think about; is that if the criminals had remembered me today, they had said, that now all my inner connections are destroyed, and there is nothing left of me, and nothing left of the person I once was. I had become more and more ruined, and now I had been totally destroyed; I think they would have said.

Inner connections is a way of expressing, which has occurred in my thoughts many times, all the time when I have been thinking about these influences by the criminals. All the time I have thought that the person, who influenced me, has talked about my inner connections, but I don’t remember what that person has said to me when he influenced me.

What has happened with me, is that I in the last years after March 2013, have found back to my inner connections again. After I have found back enough of my original inner connections again, the whole inner picture in me regarding that, has become enough correct again. Then it also becomes possible for me, to have that as my basis for understanding better about even more, in my inner life. What I have done, is much to find back to different things, which had disappeared from my memory and conscious mind. The turning point was when I started to understand, that they had got me to remember things, which hadn’t happened. At that time in 2013, I also had understood different other things about this, but still not everything; that came about four years later in 2017. Now in 2017, I have understood much about this.

What I think about, regarding this; is that these influences by the criminals, shall influence my inner connections, work in my inner connections, change my inner connections, something else shall be in my inner connections, ruin my inner connections, etc.

For me, this has been a little like being a detective inside myself, in my inner life, being suspicious, skeptical, understanding that something is wrong, etc. I have tried to understand what happens inside myself. There has been something I haven’t understood, there has been something I haven’t known. All the time I have understood that something hides for my conscious mind, and I have tried to understand what that is. Because of this indistinct inner picture in me, I have been careful.

In some way this is a little as finding out about, and clearing up a crime inside myself, which has been caused by the criminals. The same is also about what has happened around me, people around me have been influenced by these criminals. This is a little the same as investigating a crime, I think that this can be a useful way of thinking. The criminals have caused a crime inside oneself, which is difficult to start to find out about and understand, especially in the beginning. The criminals have done the crime in a sly way, by using their method in different ways.

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The will is another thing I have thought about now. These influences influence one’s will. But is that one’s own will? Maybe not, I have thought. I have asked myself that question, but I don’t get a clear answer.

What is one’s own will? These influences aren’t one’s own will. What is these influences? These influences are the criminals’ wills. And the criminals’ wills, that aren’t the influenced individuals’ wills.

Is it one’s own will, that these influences influence? I have thought about that one’s own will is still the same, after one has been influenced. But oneself don’t know, and don’t understand that. What has happened, when oneself understands, that these influences have changed one’s own will? Then oneself understands, that oneself want to do something, which is against one’s own will. What is that? That is, that one’s own will has been suppressed. That is, that it has been difficult for one’s own will to be what one’s own will is, inside of oneself. These thoughts grope their way in my mind. It is difficult for me to approach a precise conclusion. But I think these thoughts are relevant. I think it is a step forward to begin thinking about this.

Can it be relevant to think that one’s own will has fallen asleep, when oneself has been influenced by the criminals? Maybe it can be more or less relevant to think about that. Can one’s own will wake up again? I think it can be relevant to think about that also.

What doe’s one’s own will want to do with these influences? One’s own will want to be level‐headed, good and sensible; and behave the best way against what this is. When we know something, then it is possible to begin to find out more and more. This is about finding out and understanding; about what this is inside oneself.

When looking objectively at this, in a general way, without being involved yourself; it can seems as if influenced individuals only do what they are influenced to do. It looks like, that influenced people only do things. Maybe not because they want to do these things. They only do what they are influenced to do, maybe not because they want to do these things. What influenced individuals are doing, are because of the influences, and not because of their own wills. Their own wills aren’t the causes, but they don’t understand that themselves. If people start to understand about this, then this will change. People will start to think about what this can be, and that is an important change. It is necessary to look at oneself in an objective way.

These influences influence all sides inside an individual; feelings, memories, thoughts, associations and the will, etc. But is that an individual’s own will? I think it is useful to think about, that this isn’t an individual’s own will. But I don’t reach a precise conclusion in my thoughts.

It is correct to say, that these influences are the criminals wills, and not the influenced individuals’ wills.

Why does an influenced person do, what an influenced person is influenced to do? The influenced person does what the influenced person does, because the influenced person is influenced by the criminals’ influences.

Have these influences got people’s original wills to fall asleep? It seems useful for me to think about that. But I don’t find a precise conclusion about this. This can be of a little, or of much significance. It is also necessary to think about how these influences have changed everything for a long time now. Everything we see around us, has also been influenced.

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In the end of this text, I start to think that an influence causes a driving force, and that driving force isn’t a person’s will. I think the criminals can have influenced people to experience, that these driving forces are their wills. But these driving forces aren’t people’s wills, they are influences. This makes sense for me. I think that I am on to something here. This driving force…, caused by an influence…, isn’t a person’s will…. There can be several such driving forces in a person, caused by several influences. So far, this is an interesting conclusion.

To get these driving forces to work, it is necessary that we don’t know anything about it, and that we don’t understand anything about it. Therefore it helps much that we know about it. It is possible to make up one’s mind to refrain from doing what such driving forces want oneself to do.

September 22, 2017, David H. Hegg