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227. Messy

I am “influenced” to have an untidy mess at home, and to not care about my clothing, my hair and other such things. I shall not bring with me a comb in my pocket, and not have a mirror.

I am also “influenced” to not care about what I eat, and to not have a well‐arranged way of keeping, preparing and eating my food. It has been something bad for me to shop food on impulse there and then. It is better to think it over and write a shopping list beforehand.

I think that the criminals have “influenced” me to find junk food etc., instead of getting food for the mind (intellectual food). I shall eat junk food etc. instead of reading books. I shall never read books for my brain anymore; I shall eat food for my stomach instead. I experience it like that I am “influenced” to exactly this; that I shall eat instead of reading books. It is like the criminals have said; “and so you shall fill up your stomach and not your head”. It is like I am “influenced” to eat something because I want something which tastes good, instead of eating because I am hungry and want to feel full after eating.

January 11, 2019, David H. Hegg